What do you get when you cross a Mormon and a robber?
A basement full of stolen canned goods.

A anxious soon to be Mormon father spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” the doctor asked.

“No, you idiot!” the man shouted. “This is her husband!”

A Mormon Bishop got on an elevator on the 10th floor, (he was heading to the lobby) on the 8th floor a beautiful woman walked in. (they were alone) On the way to the lobby the gorgeous woman hit the stop button. She turned to the Bishop and said:

“Can you make me feel like a true woman?”

The Bishop said: “I sure can” and excitedly took off all his clothes, he then threw them in the corner of the elevator. He turned to the woman pointed to the clothes and said:

“Now fold them”.

Once two Utah mountain lions met after not seeing each other for many years, one was fat and the other famished.

The fat one asked, “Hey Pete, you don’t look so good, are you getting enough to eat?”

The other replied, “I don’t understand it Joe, I catch plenty of Mormons, but I just can’t seem to gain any weight.”

“Well, let me watch you in action, maybe you’re not doing it right.”

So they went to Pete’s favorite spot where he awaited an approaching Mormon. As he came near, Pete sprang at him from a big boulder with a horrifying roar and quickly devoured him.

Then Joe said to him, “I see your problem, Pete, you’re scarring them too much. When you scare the crap out of a Mormon, there’s not much left!”

Why do you always take two Mormons with you when you go fishing?
Because if you only take one, he’ll drink all your beer!

What do you call a good looking woman in Salt Lake City?
A Tourist!

A elderly Mormon asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred.

The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?”

“No,” he replied, “I’ve never done either.”

“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?” inquired the doctor.

“No, I’ve never done any of those things either.”